Friday, December 24, 2010

Ray's Journal 12/23/2010


Today, the second viewing of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, among other things. It was truly fun to see the movie again in 3D! Though I sometimes fail to see the value of seeing movies in the theater as prices have risen steadily, there is no denying I enjoyed being at a movie with a group (some of the Thursday night encounter group went also) and of course being out with V. Coda even made the time special by moving quite a bit as the movie ran.

The rant of the day perhaps was the success of Harry Potter over the success of the Narnia franchise. I mean, Harry Potter has a them park, seven books, and seven movies. Narnia is just as good, has been around longer, and should have the same success. Yet I read (though mostly hear from V) that it is doing poorly in the box office. This makes me worry as I am hoping movie makers pick up the projects of the rest of the C. S. Lewis titles such as “A Horse and His Boy,” “Magician’s Nephew,” and “The Silver Chair.” The Chronicles of Narnia speak about issues highlighted only in the Bible. And the Bible itself is a book that tops the bestsellers list for all time. Why, when such a beloved series as this comes out in movie form, does it do so poorly. I am told many were upset by some “cinematic improvements” to the movie versus the book. Though I can see these as I of course read the books, I cannot help but overlook this as I believe the message is much more important than how close to the book it is.

More talk about my family and the new unit that will be our family. Realized that V is right, the moment Victoria and I produced a child, she became a part of the family. I am her family and she is my family. My parents and Janet seem bent on keeping our families separate and not accepting the fact that Victoria’s family is my picture and my family is her family. We do not get to choose our family in this world. Though in this divorce I left Janet, she will always be a part of my family and be linked to me through the girls. As Victoria and I have produced a child, she and I will always be linked. Pieces of paper and legal documents aside, Victoria is my family now. The boys are my sons, my daughters are my daughters, and coda is my son.

Wondering how Janet will react to becoming Coda’s godparent. I fear that she will see this as asking her to accept the affair as a good and right thing. This is not what we are asking. We are asking that she recognize Coda as not burdened by this and as a separate creation. A creation of love. We ask her to be involved in this child’s life and recognize her as the mother of my daughters Isabelle and Katie. She is a figure who is worthy of asking this honor. I do not hate my ex-wife.

Bad times in our lives caused me to feel disconnected form her. I was deeply depressed from a lack of work and an inability to find new work. I felt disconnected from Janet as she was often gone at work and even on the weekends, times I wanted to go out with our mutual friends, she would be unable to go as she felt the need to work and provide. Though I am grateful for her provision during that time, I would have valued her going to one night of Karaoke over a million nights of work. Yes, we had a lot of debt to pay, but we missed opportunities to go to concerts, city events like the Big Fresno Fair, and cheap local concerts all because she felt that she alone had to hold up Family Christian Stores. At least this was my perception…Does she know this? Maybe…of course she blames me for all the debts.

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